'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
