My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Oh god it's open bar.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
