i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
