I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Randomize
