I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Randomize
