would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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