Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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