My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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