You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
