I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
