new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Randomize
