so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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