I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Everclear isn't food dammit
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
