I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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