...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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