so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
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