My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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