I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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