mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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