he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
My day in three words: secret purse cake
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
