One girl and one boy is just not enough.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize