I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
