Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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