He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
