His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize