Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
