You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
