this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
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