if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
