you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
