I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
