she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
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