That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
