Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
