lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
