Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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