Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
