Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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