he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
