Nicole vs. Life
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
