and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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