I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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