I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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