i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
