She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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