Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
