if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
