he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
