do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
