How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
