I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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