If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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