so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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