make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
