I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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