No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
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woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
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I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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