I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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