If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
