Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
