Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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