We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
