Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
