Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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